some songs are just . . . unfortunate

I hate to restart my participation in this blog with something so tragic, but I have found something that must be shared.

I am somewhat a connoisseur of bad music. Whether it's poorly written, ill-conceived, or just plain annoying, I have a love-hate relationship with songs that make me cry for non-sentimental reasons.

To introduce today's installment, I have to say that there is nothing funny about any disease. I believe that it's generally good when people are healthy (unless those people are trying to destroy freedom and justice). I am sad when people are sick.

Glaucoma is a serious problem. The people at the World Glaucoma Association think so, too. They deal with it all the time. Apparently, one of the ways they have decided to fight Glaucoma is by writing and distributing a hymn about it. As a hymnist myself, I was interested, so I downloaded the WMA file and had a listen. Let me just say wow. I have never heard a song like it. I hesitate to say this, but after listening to the Glaucoma hymn, I'm not positive whether the author was for or against the disease.

You can read the lyrics and download the song through this site. You have to click on the little yellow "Glaucoma Hymn" link at the bottom right.

Again, wow.

state of the lds music union: overall analysis

Overall analysis:

Of course we have made progress, but I forsee that the next ten years will be significantly more challenging for the LDS music industry. There will be increased demand, but it will be fulfilled more and more by several small companies rather than a large Deseret/Seagull conglomorate. And Deseret will fight back, trying to buy out the little guys as they become popular. I predict that the songwriting and arranging styles will have to undergo a major overhaul in the next decade, and that LDS consumers will start becoming more discriminating in their tastes, so LDS musicians will have to rise to the challenge of producing higher quality music for which the LDS consumer will willingly pay. Overall, our industry is suffering from piracy and divisions within, and I do not see that those problems will be easily solved in the next several years. However, some will succeed, and they will be the ones whose focus is on sharing the truth more than turning a profit.

state of the lds music union: other considerations

Other Considerations:

• Marketing: It has generally become less ethical. Yet LDS people have also established a pattern of illegal copying, which makes real sales harder to make. This will be a big issue in the industry in the next ten years.
  
• Distribution: It is more widespread, and thus more competitive. The advent of self-distribution online is good for independent artists, but not necessarily for the quality of product received.
  
• Style overall: Too similar to what was available 10 years ago. We see many LDS songwriters but few great LDS composers.

state of the lds music union: vocal performance

Vocal performance:

Again, at the high end, we see that it has improved slightly, but the style has not changed radically. On the amateur hobbyist end, things are worse than ever because we hear so many more of them. (I should say at this point that I probably ought to consider myself an amateur hobbyist, but I do take pride in what I do and try to make it the best possible considering my resources.) I have not heard a new LDS singer/songwriter in the past 5 years whose voical stylings were irresistably wonderful beyond what is already available. So much is ptich-corrected, overproduced, and overcompressed (especially in the EFY subgenre) that actual vocal talent seems less of an issue today than it was ten years ago.

state of the lds music union: arrangements

Arragements:

I hesitate to say they are better. For recorded music, they require more gadgets. Synthesizers have improved, so the arrangements sound better in production. Some, like Mack Wilberg, Tyler Castleton, and Enoch Train, have certainly bloomed in their arranging skills in the last decade. But as far as the overall quality of most arrangements we hear, both on CDs and in Church, I think we are continuing to settle for less.

state of the lds music union: production and recording

Production values and Recording Quality:

They have increased and decreased at the same time. Part of this has to do with the reduction in cost for decent recording equipment and software. If I had started out doing what I do ten years ago, the technology I have now would have been far beyond my means, and I run a pretty bare-bones operation. It is possible to set up a home studio for $500 if you already have a computer. This means that more people have access to recording and distribution of music.

On the high end, production values have increased tremendously. You can listen to the current EFY CDs, and they are much better in sound quality and production than in 1997. However, a flood of amateur music is washing over the industry in general, and that is especially the case in LDS music where (as I mentioned above) the consumers don't seem to care about quality.

state of the lds music union: songwriting

Songwriting (as a craft):

Much improved. I am especially encouraged that more LDS musicians seem to be writing on themes of the Restoration. Looking a decade back at the songs of Michael McLean and other similar artists, many of them were quasi-ecumenical songs (pretty, but with not much doctrine) which were mostly designed to make the listener feel good. I sense that among the good LDS songwriters of today (and there are also plenty of bad ones, as always), we have learned to teach truth with more accuracy and boldness while improving the music to which it is set.

On the other side of the coin, the LDS consumer has been conditioned to accept and perpetuate musical rubbish simply for the fact that it is "LDS." Listen to KZION, for example (I do), and within an hour you will hear some lovely, well-conceived, well-developed music alongside some terrible, yet heartfelt, songs with four chords and lyrics that don't fit into the musical lines. Many LDS people are well educated in music, but consciously ignore their musical sensibilities when it comes to Church music. This was necessary ten or fifteen years ago because of the lack of good music, but we need to have a paradigm shift as a people and begin demanding excellence. We also need to become willing to pay for excellence when we find it.

state of the lds music union

On the LDS Musicians group, Michael R. Hicks proposed that we look back on the past ten years in the LDS music industry and reflect on our progress in specific areas. To avoid posting one huge block of text, I will post my "State of the (LDS Music) Union" address in topical segments, beginning with the preamble:

Disclaimer:

In 1997 I was a freshman in high school and I had never heard of EFY (I subsequently attended in 1998). I started seriously writing LDS music in 2000, but I did not do any performances of it in the U.S until 2004 or make any attempt at publishing until 2006. However, I am quite familiar with what is out there - when I go to Utah, I always stop in at DI and look for "vintage" LDS recordings, and I have analyzed much of the currently available repertoire with some detail.

Essentially, I am new, but not inexperienced.

First off, I think we need to define the difference between "LDS music" and secular/general Christian music by LDS artists. They are not the same. Kenneth Cope and Jon Schmidt, for example, have significant followings outside the Church because they produce a segment of their products for the general non-LDS public. In this analysis, I am talking about music specifically produced for and marketed toward members of the Church.

Now to the list...

audience police

WARNING: If you are rude at a formal concert, expect to get a ticket. I've just finished Audience Police, our newest sub-site on NoiseBox.net. You can print tickets to give to people who do rude things, like:

• clapping within a set
• loudly unwrapping candies and cough drops
• neglecting to take their screaming children to the lobby
• using cell phones during the show

Are you ready to join the Audience Police force? Go to noisebox.net/audiencepolice and get started.

ask dr. science

If you haven't heard of him, Dr. Science is one of my media heroes.

Listen.
Read.

free music?

On the discussion board at KZION LDS Internet Radio, John Hesch asked me:

"...Nate, can you please explain why you think that spiritual music should be given away for free? Why should an LDS artist like yourself give away your music just because you song is about our faith? I don't understand that way of thinking and you're not the first person I have heard this from. LDS authors don't give away their books, LDS movie producers don't give away their movies, LDS artists don't give away their paintings. As an LDS consumer I expect to pay for your music, art, books, etc. What I don't want to do is pay more for your music, art or books just because it is about our faith."

This is a question I get often, and a question with which I continue to struggle. I am posting my answer here as a statement of my current feeling on the subject.

Good question. I don't think all music of a spiritual nature should be just given away, but I do think that it should be accessible. At this point I choose to give mine away because I have reasonably low overhead and I can afford to do so. But any way you slice it, 17 to 20 bucks for a CD with one good song is highway robbery (pardon the pun). Sometimes the ones who really need to hear it are those who can't afford it.

I suppose it depends on the nature of the music and the goal of the artist. For fun songs or songs mostly for entertainment purposes rather than spiritual teaching, I have no problem charging whatever the market will bear. However, if I actually believe the concepts about which I sing in my so-called spiritual songs, I should share that testimony freely to all who would benefit from it. If I claim any degree of divine inspiration in writing a song, it should be primarily for the building up of God's kingdom.

There are production costs. There are administrative costs. I don't generally give away or sell my copyrights or place much music in the public domain. Music is still a business. I just feel that by allowing free access to the music and asking for donations, in time those with more resources will pick up the tab for those who cannot afford to pay. Call me a hippie public radio tote-carrying idealist fool. Maybe I am. At the moment, we are doing better than breaking even on web hosting costs, so I have no real complaints.

This is not to knock artists who use different business models. When I go into the studio to do session work, or when I teach private lessons, do I turn down my rightful payment? Of course not. I also encourage donations when people download my music, I do occasional commissions, and if I was offered a good job making LDS music, I would seriously consider the offer. If I decide to release a CD, I will certainly charge for it. But I will do my best to make it affordable, and I will always offer a good amount of spiritual music for free.

by popular demand

As a musician, I have a soft spot for music of the most terrible sort. I have to share more, once again with a stern warning. This is not for children. This is not for pets. This may cause your houseplants to wither. I am not responsible for this. I am simply giving you the opportunity to hear . . .

Florence Foster Jenkins singing The Queen of the Night

o holy night (?)

Possibly the worst version of this song you may ever hear, but somehow also heartfelt. Not for the weak of stomach.

O Holy Night

cultural arts segment: how to tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue

This is the season for Christmas parties for work, school, family reunions, and whatever other reason people can concoct to have everybody over for dinner or those tiny little appetizers I can never spell the French word for. Here on fluent in mumble, I like to give my readers a variety of useful, culturally relevant subjects. This is one of those. It's only good at really boring or awkward dinners. Sometimes when everybody else has booze and you're sipping a Shirley Temple, it's nice to have a way to stand out besides your engaging conversational style. Take this as my gift to fellow teetotalers around the globe.

Here is my method to tie the stem of a Maraschino cherry in an overhand knot:

1. If possible choose a longer stem, especially if you are a beginner.
   
2. Be sure to practice before you actually try this at a dinner.
   
3. Plan for if you ignore step 2: If you are desperate to do this before you have mastered it, just get a drink with lots of cherries, discreetly tie one of the stems under the table in a believeable overhand knot and slip it in your mouth unnoticed. Wait a few minutes, then make a show of putting another straight stem in your mouth, contort your face a bit (be sure to give it enough time that people will believe you), then spit out your pre-knotted stem elegantly onto a spoon.
   
4. No, that wasn't the WHOLE plan. If you want to do it for real, the secret is that successful cherry-stem knotting involves as much teeth as tongue.
   
5. First, bend the stem into a "U" shape with your tongue - the ends up, the curve down, right around the gumline of your bottom front teeth. I forgot to mention that this post may be considered graphic by some readers. Proceed with the utmost caution.
   
6. Next, cross the arms of the U. Arm A over arm B, so arm A is nearer to your tongue and arm B is nearer to your teeth. Which is on which side doesn't matter.
   
7. Push arm A (the one near your tongue) over arm B and through your slightly opened teeth. Then hold the top of the resulting loop to your top teeth with your tongue while gently sucking the end of arm A through the loop.
   
8. Hook the end of arm A with your bottom teeth and pull it through by biting it gently and allowing the rest of the loop to be carried in the opposite direction by the movement of your lips.
   
9. Tighten. This can be accomplished by biting an end and moving the rest of the loop away from that anchor point. Be sure to tighten enough to make it secure, but leave it loose enough that people can tell it is an overhand knot. Just a bump in the middle of the stem is significantly less impressive.
   
10. Spit it out and impress people.
    
11. Leave a comment on my blog and let us all know how it went.